Love and Marriage

I read an interesting statistic the other day. It stated that on average couples fight 182 times a year, each fight lasting roughly a half an hour. That's about 3 straight days fighting with your spouse.

Initially I had only glanced at the little box with the information, scanning the magazine page for something interesting to read while I smoked. A few seconds later it dawned on me, wait a minute, 182 fights a year? I scanned my brain trying to remember the last 30 min or longer fight I'd had with my husband. If we were "average", that should have been just a couple of days ago. Was it during my last pregnancy back in '05? Did that count?

I asked him about it, and he said, "I don't know, 2002?" I guess he didn't count when I was pregnant, excusing me for being hormonal. He had noticed that statistic too, so we talked about it. "Can you imagine fighting that much with someone you love, someone who's supposed to be your best friend in the whole world, your ally, the one who's presumably always at your side and covering your back? No wonder the divorce rate is so high!" I just felt kind of sorry for those couples, and if you're one of them, I'm truly sorry you're living like that. It sucks, and I know, because after my husband and I had talked about it, other stuff ran through my mind, like things from my first marriage. If I had read that statistic back then, I probably would have said, "Only 182?" And I recalled something that person I used to be married to said to me after we'd filed for divorce. "Now that we're getting divorced, we can be friends." Isn't that a stupid thing to say? I don't know what I replied back then. Probably something along the lines of, "If you didn't think enough of me to be friends while we were married, what the hell makes you think I'd want to be friends with you now?"

So for those of you in that kind of relationship, I've felt your pain, and I have an answer for you - respect. In large part, the success of a relationship boils down to respect. Sure, there are going to be fights now and then, because we're human and imperfect and fallible. And I'm not saying my husband and I don't get on each other's nerves sometimes. But if you don't have enough respect for your partner to refrain from calling them names and constantly fighting with them, why are you together? You really don't need Dr. Phil to figure this one out, it's pretty simple. Treat your beloved as you wish to be treated, and when you both do this, guess what? A pretty happy state of being. If you both stop being selfish, something wonderful happens, and it's worth putting yourself aside for it. I can personally attest to this fact.